Creative: Critique – Future Cool

Prada for the millennially challenged
I didn›t have to be here.
Believe me, as a Prada model I had plenty of New Year›s invitations with this giant millennium thing. But those militia people really creep me out. (Those guys are such major geeks!) Back home in North Dakota, my Mom had a party, but the plan for midnight was to start up the diesel generator her boyfriend built in the living room. No thanks! But I also get totally freaked by basements. It›s so, like, underground.
I know someone who was in the MTV bunker under Times Square„living with five other people for five days in some teeny little space with everything on TV and producers telling you what to do! Forget it. What if they had purposely put in some oversexed, obnoxious dude who pisses everybody off and start fights, like on The Real World! I couldn›t take it. Plus, the ceilings are too low.
And there was this thing called Quiet, an arty version of the MTV bunker project, with like 50 people staying in two buildings in downtown Manhattan, sleeping in these metal bunk beds they call Japanese sleeping pods, which are hooked up to cameras and TVs. The guys and the girls got the same clothes, like a uniform. (It was a gray shirt and orange pants. Orange was the new red for five minutes and it›s totally DKNY, but now orange is so over!)
And there were hidden cameras all over the place (even in the showers!) and a synchronized sex room where a trainer directed couples at midnight. It was all on the Internet. Eeeuuw. It›s way too Heaven›s Gate.
I guess I›m kind of a loner, so I preferred it up here. I have a friend who›s a model and psychic, and she says the new thing in five years will be the mime look. And I›m all for that because maybe it will discourage conversation. Seriously, I am not into conversations, especially this time of year. My friends know I don›t like to talk. I hardly ever use my cell phone, and that›s why I liked being up here. I got highlights and a blow dry right before I came, and also a pedicure and this totally great flashlight and manual can opener.
I don›t know if this is true, but I heard Martha Stewart was climbing some mountain and whipped up a soufflÚ at 30,000 feet just using sticks. She›s so cool„she›s like a survivalist role model billionaire!
And there›s that girl Butterfly who lived in a tree in Washington State. People brought her food and stuff like every two weeks, and she was making a political point about the environment and saving trees.
But I›m not really into politics.
I am majorly into Prada, as you can see from my ad. Like I am completely in love with anything Prada. The minute I saw that sleeping bag with the Fox lining and trim, I freaked. It is so gorgeous, but also so modern, because my friend Lowell the stylist says, ˜There›s something about comfort that feels really modern right now.›› And it›s so cozy. This Prada picnic basket is so excellent. It›s fitted out for cups, glasses, champagne, dishes and silverware.
So what I have here is a clean, cozy, modern bunker on the rocks. Lowell calls it ˜hunker chic,›› and says it›s so millennial, especially since Prada is such a cool company that started in the last century making luggage and is now so on the edge. But they still make great luggage and stuff, except now it›s made out of leather and black nylon parachute material.
And Miuccia Prada, the designer who took over the company, has a Ph.D in something! That is so cool and intellectual and European.
The sleeping bag costs $12,000 and the picnic basket is $6,804 (actual prices).
Lowell says fox on the rocks is so totally 2000, you won›t need anything else. K

Publish date: January 3, 2000 © 2020 Adweek, LLC. - All Rights Reserved and NOT FOR REPRINT