Ad for Ugly Loveseat Insists It’s Not an Ugly Loveseat but a Piece of ‘Upholstered Americana’

Another Craigslist masterpiece

The canvas of Craigslist continues to inspire many a budding copywriter to create odes to objects most of us would dismiss as curb trash. Witness this latest advertisement—for an old loveseat offered free of charge in Cumming, Ga. The headline? "This isn't a love seat, it's upholstered Americana." And it just gets better from there. They posed the much-loved seat next to an American flag, its gentle folds caressing the back cushions like a familiar suitor, the red, white and blue plaid couch reclining in its ageless wisdom, calling like a siren to its new owner. They even recount their myriad experiences with the loveseat in the local vernacular. Enjoy the full text below.

The finest quality in American Furniture building has combined with the tightly knit magical American Family unit and formed something beyond all human comprehension. For over 25 years, a quarter of a century, this two seater has rested weary travelers, introduced budding relationships, assisted multi-generational understanding. It has played host to conversations about marriage, birth, dinner reservations, politics, religion, college graduation requirements, weather, real estate, budget negotiations, funeral arrangements (not necessarily related to the aforementioned budget), car repair, Christmas, SEC football, landscaping, camping, plumbing, gambling, and other subjects too intimate to mention. Now, I know you've seen enough sci-fi to understand that after being exposed to that kind of timeless, bone marrow building, honest-to-God-humanity, inanimate objects pick up an aura of ageless wisdom that can rub off on the next proud owner. Due to a change in our circumstances (possibly even due to the couch itself summoning a new owner), we are forced to part with this . . ., well, . . . member of the family. But how? How do you just let something out of your life that has so many memories, so many feelings, so many odd seating positions? It's not easy. After many sleepless nights, and long conversations, we have decided to part ways with our beloved love seat in the same way we had to say good-bye to Paw-paw. We are going to leave it on the curb until someone comes and picks it up. That's right. You could be the next proud owner! (Of the love seat, not Paw-paw-he's already found one). You too, can experience the joy of sipping coffee beside your significant other while not having to worry about spilling. You may be the one the couch is seeking. It may be ready to guide to your next relationship, business venture, or fishing trip. Do you feel led toward it in some unexplainable way? Yes, we understand. The same thing happened to us, and look where we are now; so rich we can afford to part ways with this gluteus maximus wonder hugging conversation catalyst. Come and get it, and get your life back on track – Now!

@rebeccacullers Rebecca Cullers is a contributor to Adweek.
Publish date: December 2, 2013 © 2020 Adweek, LLC. - All Rights Reserved and NOT FOR REPRINT