I like Farmville, so don’t rant against me for the fact that I’ve enjoyed compiling this selection of 5 rants against the game. Farmville, like partisan politics and pizza toppings, has the power to bitterly divide the population, and it’s nowhere as evident as when you look at the number of rants for and against the game on Facebook. I take a look at my 5 favorite anti-Farmville rants after the jump.
Google Says It All: “Farmville Is Ruining”…
It is short, and simple, but it gets the point across. It’s not as much a rant as it is a plea, but it really needs to be included. Farmville is ruining a lot of things, and Google helps point out what those things are! This is pretty sad, but there you go.
I Hate Farmville Facebook Fan Page
This place is a goldmine for those of you who think Farmville-directed vitriol is something like gold. For the rest of you, it’s just really funny. The site is titled as “I’m tired of getting all the Farmville updates. Even after I hid them from my stream, my friends talk about it in real life. It really has gone too far. Join me friends. Hate Farmville with me and maybe we can start a movement.” But the real joy is in the users themselves. Scouring the discussion board, I came across this poem:
If Farmville was an actual place and I had an air-o-plane
I’d bomb until not even a trace of anything did remain
I’d blow the farms to smithereens, everything would be a blur
And the bigs and littles and the in-betweens of the animals wouldn’t have fur
Over the gardens I’d swoop real low spraying bullets and DDT
Then I’d make sure the Farmvillians know it had all been done by me
I’d write my name up in the sky in letters ten feet long
Then I’d laugh and away I’d fly whlst singing a jaunty song
If Farmville was an actual place and I had myself a tank
Back and forth I’d roar and race till even the silos sank
I’d squish and squash everything in sight till the town lay in debris
Then, once again, my name I’d write to claim responsibility
But now I’d write it with the tread that was underneath my tires
And the words would glow a brilliant red, as red as the hottest fires
But I have no tank or air-o-plane, although I can dream and smile
About Farmville’s smoldering, flattened terrain and be happy for a while
That is an intense amount of negativity aimed at Farmville, but to me that just means social games are approaching art, because this is certainly eliciting an emotional reaction! I just hope nobody gets hurt and this man clearly understands the separation between virtual farm and real.
Nobody Cares About Your Farm
Kotaku helped us find this gem of a rant. It’s only a few words long but really gets the point across.
BlogCritics’ List of Reasons To Leave Farmville
BlogCritics’ Gaming team, being the purveyors of game wisdom that they are, decided to make a list about the reasons you should avoid Farmville. The list is great and really paints the picture of a player sucked into a world they didn’t want to enter…
Farmville is a waste of money. I don’t care what anyone says – EVERYONE who has reached a high level in Farmville has pulled out their credit card at some point. When you reach a slow point and there is hardly any action occurring like it used to, you trick yourself into paying money for Farm Cash. You buy yourself some shiny pretty new things. After all, most of the nice items in Farmville can only be purchased for a ridiculous amount of Farm Cash that can NEVER be obtained from gameplay alone. You see these amazing items every time you visit the market and after a while you get tired of simply seeing them there. Voila – you buy them.
Youtube User: “FARMVILLE RANT!!!!! NO MORE FENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Youtube User CoreyBRadio starts this off as the most amazing, passion fueled Farmville rant, and he builds anticipation to a fantastic conclusion, until halfway through the video you realize he actually *plays* the game. I mean, here’s a quote: “Don’t send me no damn fences in Farmvilles.” Seeing as he doesn’t even know the name of the game I was sure this would be about how he hates all the application spam. This game really is taking over the world, even its haters love it.