For Patch local editors grappling with shopping mall Santa features and overseeing in some cases a great many additional hubs, these words likely rang hollow. But to FishbowlNY’s ears, a portion of Tim Armstrong’s remarks at this week’s UBS conference were Office Space-worthy.
Per a report by Ad Age‘s Alex Kantrowitz, Armstrong suggested that the possibility of a major impending partnership for Patch is one big reason AOL shareholders should view the hyper-local network as an “asset with optionality.” Rather than, say, an “option with assanality” or a “gigantic tactical embarrassment.”
We’re going to suggest right here and now: Any NYC media denizen who manages to seamlessly make use of this terminology at an upcoming holiday celebration will forever earn our admiration. That bowl of spiked punch? That empty conference room? That fully loaded copier? These are all, theoretically, “assets with optionality.”
And while we’re at it, let’s channel the spirit of Armstrong double-speak to come up with a new euphemism for perennial Patch thorn Jim Romenesko. In the media blogger’s latest related item, a tipster alleged that exiting Patch exec Anthony Duignan-Cabrera “warned employees that ‘heads would roll’ if they were caught leaking information to” Romenesko. Ergo, a journalist with contagiosity.