World’s Most Obnoxious Birthday Party

Emily Goodstein is turning 30 and she wants to celebrate with YOU. Who the hell is Emily Goodstein?  She describes herself as a “local blogger, photographer, and reproductive justice advocate.” If you look at her website, she also “a sweatpants enthusiast.” Sweatpants are for two people. Pregnant women and fat men. They get a free pass. Anyone else who wears them should consider just wearing a burlap sack out in public to avoid the shame of sweatpants.

Getting to the point of all this, Emily is putting on a bash to ring in her big 3-0 with something called a “birthday conference.” In other words, she’s charging YOU to come to a boring series of panels with people talking about subjects that Emily finds interesting. The BEST two examples she gives are “email organization and cookie decorating.” The invitation has this inspirational gem from Emily: “My 30th birthday is an opportunity to create a convergence of all my favorite things and people,” said Goodstein, “The result is a day that is not only about creativity and celebration, but also elevating serious issues and bringing together some great minds. I can’t think of a better way to kick off my 30s.”

I’ve been to some awful birthday parties. Most notably the one earlier this year where I had to take a 5-year-old to Chuck E. Cheese. But, I would spend a lifetime trapped in a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit before I sit down for a panel on email organization disguised as someone’s birthday party.

Want more details?


Other panels include:

– Flower arranging

– How to Give Great Massage

– Sailing 101

– Yoga

According to the invite, the event will take place at The George Washington University Hillel at 2300 H Street, NW, from 11:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., with participants encouraged to check in by 10:45 a.m. DC Empanadas food truck will provide lunch for all conferees.

There’s also a pretty impressive list of sponsors for the event including Phickles Pickles and Mr. Yogato.

If you want to be a part of this craziness, visit her website and may God have mercy on your soul.