Four Ways to Get Paid For Not Working

Yes, you read that right!

Maybe you’re always the one burning the midnight oil on deadline at the office while one of your colleagues, ahem a slacker, sneaks in and out of the office for long lunches while no one notices.

Well, this piece on Forbes made us take notice.

Granted, it’s meant to be tongue in cheek so it’s not exactly like we’re endorsing loafing at the office. Sometimes we all need a splash of sense of humor to get us through the work week. This being one of them.

1. Keep your hours a mystery. As pointed out in the piece, Eric Abrahamson has looked at various ways employees actually get paid to do nothing. The professor at Columbia Business School doesn’t endorse following their lead but apparently it is one way for management to be aware of inequalities to even the playing field. (That said, we still find it amusing.)

For starters, as per the slideshow, if your editor doesn’t know when you arrive and leave, it’s less likely you’ll be assigned a new piece! (Assuming everything is assigned in person rather than online.)

2. Spend time anywhere but your desk. Ever notice the office social butterfly who fleets around the office all day long as you wonder how he or she gets any work done? Um, maybe that’s because they don’t.

This type of person takes a lot of restroom breaks and makes countless visits to the coffee station. Oh, visits to friends in other departments and other floors are the norm, too. And hey, if your boss can’t locate you, you’ll get less work, right?

3. Distort the time it takes to get tasks done. This tip goes along the lines of not showing people exactly what you do or how to do it and in that case, they won’t know what’s involved and the time it takes either. Maybe your office just got the latest update of Drupal installed and you’re the guru?

If you keep it to yourself, they won’t know how long it takes you to posts new blogs, right? Essentially, if colleagues have no idea what you do and can’t do it themselves, they won’t know how long it takes to accomplish said task. It’s also called job security. (Yes, we’re chuckling as we type. Keeping things light here on a Thursday…)

4. Appear overworked. Pulling a George Costanza move a la Seinfeld (that is, also appeared annoyed in addition to looking overworked), one way to avoid rolling up your sleeves is looking like you’re up to your eyeballs in assignments.

We’re sure there are countless other ways to get paid for not working like taking a nap, going outside for smoke breaks even if you don’t smoke and more. Keep in mind these tips are also sure bets to also avoid getting ahead in your career but we thought they were quite amusing nonetheless and bright red flags for managers to take notice.