Roger Ailes’ Kennedy Center Speech Translated

Last night, Roger Ailes, mastermind behind Fox News, gave a speech at the Kennedy Center. He made some good jokes, but what we wanted to focus on was his political ranting. Since most of his quotes were vague, we went ahead and decoded them for you. Below are our favorites, via New York.

“We’ve allowed ourselves to be manipulated by others, many of whom want to impose their culture and laws onto the manufactured utopian idea that all cultures are equal and most are better than America.”

Translation: What’s the deal with non-white people?

“Are we losing America to the inevitable onrushing tides of history? No. But we’re in a storm. Our mast is broken. Our compass is off. And there’s a damn big hole in the boat.”

Translation: Things are actually going pretty well. But don’t forget to be scared! Of something!

“We must not allow our collective memory to fade or morph into trendy and revisionist versions of political correctness, which becomes a substitute for the truth.”

Translation: Hate crimes aren’t that bad.

“Of course all people should be proud of their heritage.”

Translation: People should be proud of their heritage! Unless it’s gross and weird. Which it probably is. Unless you’re white!