When it came out ten years ago, the dack.com Web Economy Bullshit Generator helped tailor many a company’s mission statement to capture the zeitgeist for an entire generation of technology professionals. Well, the “zeit“ of social media is upon us, hence the need for more jargon from the Web 2.0 Bullshit Generator™.
The tool is still in Beta, but it looks very similar to the classic “click and behold” format of the original. Press the “make bullshit” button and out pops a string of three words or phrases you’ll wish you didn’t already know. The present decade is all about figuring out how to “share dynamic podcasts” and “harness authentic feeds.” The word “gamification” was nowhere to be found, which is a real a testament to how sick everyone is of hearing that word. If someone could just “reinvent AJAX-enabled platforms” we’d be ready for the Web 3.0 Bullshit Generator by now. Do you follow?
Me neither. Thankfully, there’s also a tool for naming your startup company called the Web 2.0 Name Generator. Very true to form, the names are babyish and short. Want to be the CEO of Micero or Planyx? Better register them on Godaddy.com while while you still can: the makers of the tool can’t guarantee that someone doesn’t already own the domain names. A logo generator is on the way.
These tools have already used up the better part of the afternoon here at Social Times. For your consideration, here are the names and mission statements of three made-up companies that may or many not be registered, but don’t actually exist, and probably never will. (But if anyone makes number three, please email email@example.com).
Sounds like: The sound a beagle makes instead of “woof”
Mission Statement: Rooboo is a place for beagle lovers to integrate long-tail communities for their dogs, creating cluetrain network effects that will last a lifetime.
Sounds like: Virtual Reality
Mission Statement: Liveify is the first social network for robots. It’s a place where the artificially intelligent can engage A-list tagclouds, harness authentic network effects, and talk about what weirdo humans are googling now.
Sounds like: The end of Shutterfly
Mission Statement: Don’t like it? Skip it. Skipfly is the only design standards-compliant web service that lives up to your standards of design. And compliance. It utilizes facial recognition technology to pull every picture of you that’s currently online so you can enhance it with photo editing tools, block other people from seeing it, or permanently delete it from the Web. With Skipfly you can capture authentic folksonomies for less awkward user-contributed peer-to-peer network effects.
Image by Janos Levente via Shutterstock.