Who Amy Schumer
Base New York
What’s the first information you consume in the morning?
I had a stalker, so I had to open a different email account. But I never really made the transition to just one, so I have to check two email accounts when I wake up. So I start the morning with a little bit of a shame attack that I wasn’t able to commit to taking care of myself.
What’s your social media routine like?
I kind of check the news on Twitter. And I seriously Instagram like an elderly woman. I post photos that your parents would post—like, I just was in Sydney, and I was posting pictures of animals in the zoo. I don’t post selfies unless I think they’re funny. One time, I put my NuvaRing over my finger like it was an engagement ring, and I was like, “This is something that people are going to want to see."
How about Snapchat?
No. From the second I heard about that, I thought it must be so dangerous. Like, at night, I’ll take an Ambien, and then I’ll be like, “I should reach out to people! They need to see a picture of this!” So I’m just not doing it.
What occupies your mind in the car, on the subway, train or bus?
I listen to music. But I also daydream a lot. And I think about boys. It’s literally the same as when I was 11.
Are you a TV junkie?
Not really. I haven’t been home in so long, but when I am and I have some time to sit and watch TV, I watch Wendy Williams, Game of Thrones and Downton Abbey. Right now, I’m watching my TV show and catching up on some of the Real Housewives.
Give us the skinny on your favorite app.
My favorite app right now is also the most humiliating app. I’m always in hotels, so staying in shape is tough. There’s this workout my friend told me about called The Spartacus Workout, and I’ll use the app when I’m traveling. And it’s so embarrassing. I’ll play it out loud in the hotel gym, and there’s this voice yelling racist stuff like “Persian cowards!” Everyone stares and is like, “Ugh, this girl is the worst.” But it really makes me feel like I can afford to have a personal trainer on the road.
How do you wind down before bed?
I usually have a book I’m reading as I fall asleep. I just finished Gone Girl, which is mandatory reading for everybody. And, especially in hotels, I’ll watch Conan or Letterman or Kimmel to see if any friends are on.
With such a bloated media universe, how do you cut out the fat?
I’m kind of a minimalist with the media stuff, especially with my show being reviewed and whatever. I used to Google myself when I was a young gal—when I was on Last Comic Standing, I was always like, “What are people saying?!”—but now, unless someone forwards me a review, I don’t seek it out. I’d rather not read what every 14-year-old in their basement thinks about my ass.