Sheen Preens: New ‘Two and a Half Men’ Will Be a ‘No-Show’

Latest tirade against CBS delivered via TMZ

Charlie Sheen has launched yet another attack on Two and a Half Men co-creator Chuck Lorre, spewing vitriol at his former boss in a 280-word screed sent to intermediary TMZ.

Flying under the banner “Good Luck Chuck,” the rant features Sheen’s signature rhetorical flourishes—in rapid succession, the actor mocked Lorre as a “sad silly fool,” a “low-rent nutless sociopath,” and “a spineless rat”—all of which serves as a prelude to a withering assessment of the show’s future prospects. 

“I’m out here with my fans every night,” Sheen wrote. “The message is crystal clear: NO CHARLIE SHEEN. NO SHOW. And that’s exactly what it will be for you and your desperate vanity cards, every Monday night, a no-show.”

The broadside comes on the heels of a report that Lorre is working on a Sheen-free version 2.0 of Two and a Half Men, featuring an as-yet unidentified new lead. 

Despite the constant barrage of attacks on his character, Lorre has limited his responses to his vanity cards, those two seconds of airtime after the closing credits that are generally reserved to display the production company’s logo. Lorre has made an occult art of his vanity cards, cranking out wordy musings that can only be read if the picture is paused.

Sheen’s first attack on Lorre came 10 days after the producer ran a vanity card that read, in part, “If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed.” At the time the card ran, Sheen was undergoing a sort of home-bound rehab.

Calling into the Alex Jones Show on Feb. 24, Sheen lashed out at Lorre, referring to him as “Chaim Levine” (Lorre’s birth name is Charles Michael Levine) before going on to rip everything from the show to Alcoholics Anonymous. The call also got the ball rolling on Sheen’s “Winning!” meme and it was the platform from which he introduced the concept of “Vatican assassin warlocks.”

CBS pulled the plug on Two and a Half Men the following day.

Also included in Sheen’s latest jeremiad was a challenge to Lorre to meet him in court (“I’ll beat your chicken shit soul in a court room into a state of gratitude. A state of surrender.”). In March, Sheen filed a $100 million lawsuit against Lorre and Warner Bros. Studio Enterprises, an action the actor’s attorneys claim was initiated on behalf of their client and the cast and crew of Two and a Half Men.

Lorre and Warner Bros. TV have argued that the case should be hashed out in private, in arbitration.


Before signing off, Sheen took a last dig at the show that made him the highest paid actor on television. (Before he was given the heave ho, Sheen was pulling in $2 million per episode). 

“The ratings right now are not a fluke,” Sheen wrote. “It’s a big fat mess. A 2.0 demo? That sucks. Almost as bad as you. You’ve been warned. Reap the whirlwind you cockroach, reap it.”

That 2.0 18-49 rating to which Sheen referred was garnered by a repeat.

Publish date: April 29, 2011 © 2020 Adweek, LLC. - All Rights Reserved and NOT FOR REPRINT